its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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