You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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