On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
