yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
