I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
