i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
