It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to sanitize my soul.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
