i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
