She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
