Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I could make wine with my vomit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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