I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
