addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
