He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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