your thong is hanging out like whoa
i permit you to call me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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