My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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