How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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