just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
