Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
