So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
