I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
