it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
