Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
