If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
