this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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