Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
