Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
