Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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