Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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