is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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