Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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