I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
