I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
