you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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