I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
