ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
