i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
