im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
