Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
