I got chris browned last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
