idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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