my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tell her she can't have a vagina
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
