dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
