I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
