i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
