evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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