You work out of a Hotel?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
