i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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