3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
