apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
