Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
